Visa para un Sueño: Overcoming the Hostility Stage

It's over. My "I LOVE MEXICO SO MUCH!!" stage. It's over now.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a slow and progressive trek to this point but more of an abrupt and violent crash. I went home and I liked it. I saw friends, my family, a huge chunk of my support system and I realized how much of it I've been missing in my frantic adventuring through Mexico.

My "honeymoon stage" was characterized by overwhelming excitement whenever I tried a new kind of taco, the constant search for blog-worthy subjects and a strong awareness that I am blessed to have this opportunity. It's been replaced with the "hostility stage" in which very few things are interesting, the "little things" (MetroBus) are unbearably annoying, and I wonder a little too often if I'd be happier in the States and at Google. Also, I had this other thing happen. But if you don't know about it, then we've probably not chatted recently.

I guess it's a good thing it took me a little longer to hit that "hostility" stage

From the conversations I've had with my college buddies, I'm pretty certain this is more of an adverse reaction to being an adult and dealing with real life than it is to Mexico in particular. No dorms, no meal plan, no weekly ragers, no consistent support network, no comfort zone and worst of all, the knowledge that the time in my life when I had all of this ended a very short time ago. I've dealt with my heartbreak, feeling lonely, many hours of reflection and being mad at myself and then many more fighting to lift myself out of that self-destructive funk. My friends and family have proven to be amazing. So many chatted with me, gave me advice, listened to me cry and just let me be sad. In all reality, one of the hardest parts has been just accepting that it IS a bad month and just letting it be. It's strange how hard it is to admit that you're in a bad place and letting yourself feel all the emotions that come along with it. But it's okay to have those times. It is okay. I will be okay.

Luckily, through all the shambles, I've learned a couple of important lessons:

Karma is a bitch.
Although Karma is a bitch, forgiving yourself and others is necessary. We make decisions and then deal with the consequences. That's life. No regrets.
I can't spend life thinking in "What ifs" or in "If this happened, then...". I need to accept the present and be happy. It turns out that humans are hard-wired to be happy and that in looking at one's life, no matter how rich, beautiful or successful you are, a human will always try to make up ways that they could be happier.
For all the goals I have for myself, I spend way too much time thinking about love, dating and marriage.
One day, I will wake up and smile about this.
Hip-hop and Vallenato are therapeutic musics.

In that fight to get back to my old self I've tried to go on adventures, trips, and to events where I may not know people and really worked to get back to achieving those goals that I listed in my very first post. Some of the things that have really stuck out in that process are:

Skydiving
Going to Xochimilco with new friends
Seeing a Lucha Libre match
Boat riding in Valle de Bravo
Going to a hip-hop club in Mexico City

Went Skydiving on the 5 month anniversary of my arrival

Boats are great places for thinking. And for listening to Ja Rule #Hartzogswag

In moving on, I have several things to look forward to including:

My new roomate from Argentina
My parents coming in 4 weeks
Heading to Carnaval in Veracruz
Whale watching in La Paz
Finishing my Accounting class
Turning 23 (actually this is terrifying)
Going to Cancun

I'd like to end this post by saying that I will likely not post again until I feel I'm out of this stage because no one likes a mopey blogger. To end on a postive note though, I'd like to add that in addition to the life lessons, another great thing about this past month has been that I've had the chance to look back, listen to music and laugh a little bit. As usual, Drake has been a big part of my play list (The Motto and HYFR are good to start the day) but here are 2 that have been ESSENTIAL and also hilarious. One is a vallenato song with genuinely helpful lyrics and the other is just feel good music. Posting both of these makes me smile, because they are a sign of how different relationships and experiences, good or bad, contribute to who you are at the end of the day. Appreciating that and seeking more of those relationships and experiences, will be key to my moving on.